Sometimes I just hate myself for having a job as toxic as mine. Of course I will never blame Zoie for asking for milk in between 4 and 6 am or a few minutes before I'm scheduled to wake up and mark it as the start of my day. I will never blame her that she asks for milk just when my head hits the pillow because it's not her fault that her mom just got home at 1 am or just finished transcribing an interview at 5 am. It is my life-long wish to become a stay-at-home mom but then I really am not sure if I could handle it because my body is programmed for a different kind of stress. These days I leave the house with her asleep and I come home finding her already asleep. So, what's new with that? My mom tells me that I should get enough sleep for me to function well. I do function well but sometimes even in sleep I think about my work. This is the reason why sometimes I feel so guilty leaving Zoie under the care of Calet. Sometimes I just wonder if this is all worth it. That I'm only feeding this selfish need to be doing my job and not investing enough time for the family. Zoie will be young only once.
Oh well, I'm off to another set-up... another event. I wish Christmas is here. I will be a full time mom for two whole weeks.
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