first movie without me

today hubby and zoie went out to watch Shrek in 3D. baby and dad bonding moment while i walk around aimlessly inside Ikea, Courts and Giant. hubby said zoie suddenly told him she misses me. five months is a big chunk of her growing up period for me to be so away from her.

moving

tomorrow i will be moving to a new room here in Singapore. this is where my husband and i will stay for a few months and prepare for the downpayment for an hdb apartment. i really missed my daughter today. there was a 2 year old baby girl at my flat and she was like half filipino. she showed all her books and toys to me and seemed to really like me. it gave me a sinking feeling... just a few more months and zoie will be here. a few more months. it's been a month since i last hugged and kissed her. it's been a few days since i talked to her. i wish it's already august.

the many faces of zoie adrienne

the day I left my daughter

it's very hard for me as a mother to just pack my bags and leave my daughter behind. i've been very stressed and unhappy with my former job that i've been unable to update any of my blogs. i was thinking about how stressed i was and if i was ever going to give my daughter a bright future. things actually have been happening so fast lately that it felt like a blur.

april 17 - my husband and i took my mom, zoie and her nanny to the bus station. i talked to zoie a few days before and told her no matter what don't look for mama. i told her she will be going to Bicol during school break and to visit her dogs. she was very happy. i heard the sound of glass breaking when she went up the bus and realized it was my heart breaking. but she was there waving goodbye to --- so happy.

my husband and i went home and i was just there --- empty.

april 18 - at about 2 am, my husband took me to the airport. it was the day i left for Singapore. not knowing what the future holds. i was crying to my husband but there was no choice. i wanted to do something else with my life. so i was actually not so sad because first i was nervous that the Singapore immigration will question me on why i wanted to stay for 26 days in Singapore as a tourist.

same day, my friend fetched me at the airport. i was so amazed at how clean Singapore was. i immediately fell in love with the place and thought to myself, i will raise my daughter here.

i went shopping with my friend and her husband. actually, they went shopping and i tagged along. i was so amazed with Singapore that i didn't think much about being so so so very far away from my family. my husband was in manila, zoie was in the province and i was in another country.

the following day i sent my resume to several job openings. we bought a day old newspaper the day before so i was able to look at the job openings. same day i got an interview invitation and the next day i got hired. whew! okay so the next step was to get a pass. my boss who turned out to be so wonderful wanted me to start first week of May and wanted me to start soon. so the events were actually happening almost simultaneously and i was very, very stressed again that my work pass will not get approved. but it did.

step by step but i cannot say things have been happening slowly. in a month's time i've been able to activate my epec which allows me to stay in Singapore to look for a job and i heard not everyone gets approved. woot! also apply for e-extend because i'm also stressed that i might get deported but they say when your pass is approved stay is not an issue and most importantly my pass allows me to get my family to live with me in Singapore.

i am very blessed i should say. even if distance sets me and my daughter apart i can see her going off to college in another country. i can see her having a bright future ahead. i can see her arriving in Singapore this August.

Zoie's Mr. Banana Bird

my addiction to facebook and all the changes in our lives as a family - a school girl, new yaya etc. - i blame these for the neglect in updating my blog. let me start with the most recent. meaning: last night. i went home late because i searched the mall for a puppet bird that Zoie can use for her presentation on Friday. Nada! Zilch! after wandering about i decided to challenge my creative juices. i bought materials and with images of birds in my head, i went home with high hopes that Zoie and I will be able to make the perfect puppet bird for English Week presentation. And here it is...

Okay, there are still parts of Mr. Banana Bird which looked like he's a dressed chicken. Blame this on my lack of experience in estimating art material - i have extra foam and no more feathers!

It is now that I really am enjoying bonding with Zoie. She expresses her opinion openly and it made my heart swell when she really liked Mr. Banana Bird. Oh, she was the one who named him that.

my schoolgirl

when i saw the date when i last blogged, i said, wow, it's been that long? i never realized how hooked i was on facebook. everyday i'd check out my friends' status, play games, care for my virtual pet and work on my virtual farm. if facebook was real life, i'd be filthy rich. of course i've been busy with my projects and some things that i can never blog about. anyways, today i enrolled zoie to her first big school. i've been searching for months (er, 2 months) for a good school for her. the teacher at her toddler school told me that my child really needs to move up. she's great in class but she cannot allow me to enroll her again at her school. i asked why she let the other kids re-enroll but then she said it was because my child was ready for bigger things. well, that made my heart soar and my head ache. so, i went in search for that good school. i first considered a montessori but it was too far albeit the fact that it was near my in-laws' house. i can't cause my child any more stress than the fact that my husband and i work like a horse. the haven montessori was okay and they were willing to give kinder education to my child but then i found out that there wouldn't be much interaction because their teaching method was like a tutorial. then i went to AA Learning Center at Bayani Road. the tuition was hmmm okay we can afford it but it's a bit high. problem with the school is the location. only a few jeep pass by. the taxis are always occupied and i'm not too keen about school service vehicles who cram kids like sardines. then i went to Learning Haven. i must admit that i was kind of disappointed. for the tuition that they're asking, the place kinda looked like a fly by night business. maybe the teaching there is great but the place doesn't look like a school at all. but before i went to learning haven, i tried to see if i could get zoie into the newly opened preschool inside our community only to find out that it was full and even if it wasn't it was for less-fortunate kids. so i was kind of embarrassed when i went to inquire because the teacher looked at me as though i was trying to get free education for my kid.

oh i missed FAB Learning Center where the tuition was really affordable and teacher yvette is an ideal teacher to entrust your kid to. when i looked across the street after visiting learning haven, i saw this big school, st. ignatius of loyola whose preschool counterpart is fairyland. the rooms are okay. i talked to a teacher. she seemed very nice. the rooms are airconditioned. the tuition is more than 50% lower than AA and Learning Haven but the kids are twice the size of how many the other two schools are accepting. my hubby was very excited that he took zoie to do a test that very afternoon. the result said that zoie could have been kinder only that her writing is weak. but there is a silver lining on the cloud. they accelerate kids. they said that she's great and very knowledgeable but she's only three. again, heart soar, head ache.

but today i went with zoie and my mom to fairyland and paid a whole year of tuition as i keep my fingers crossed praying that zoie will get a good education there. i was amazed at how many books i was asked to buy. they have to have the same bag. darn! and zoie's mom is a bag fanatic. i guess i'll just buy a great looking baunan. oh wait, they will have the same snacks. grrr!

it was a different experience to line up there and enroll your kid. i felt very adult and a bit sad that my baby was growing too fast. the regular uniform there doesn't even fit her. i need to order a different size. the skirt was either too small or too big. i love their green uniform and the fact that she has a small PE uniform. zoie will really start her formal schooling.

when we went out the building, a tricycle driver offered his services. ayan, i've no problem na. she now has a school service.

super excited mom here. can't wait to buy the rest of her things but i was told she'll get the list on the first day of school.

did i mention that the location of the school was great? there is a police precinct nearby.

A Valentine Rose for Zoie

My daughter went home yesterday with a fake rose with a tiny teddy bear in her hand. As early as 3, she's already receiving Valentine's Day gifts. She said it was from her boyfriend at school. She wasn't able to attend her makeup class last Feb 14 so it was given to her just yesterday. Calet told me that Zoie prefers to hold the flower giver's hand than the other little guy at school who gets so angry whenever she does this and would do anything to kick the alleged BF. Hahaha! Kids these days...

Zoie's Vday Card for us

i am so proud.

i wish zoie will get better soon

i am so worried. i can't think straight. zoie is not feeling well. she had high fever for 3 days and was diagnosed with UTI and an ear infection. these are the 3 letters that really freak me out. i guess i should be thankful that it's not dengue. but she lost weight and she lost all her energy. i hate to see her looking so weak and helpless. i am helpless when she complains that her tummy is aching. we took her to the doctor last wednesday and she had cbc. my daughter was very brave. not a tear was shed during the blood extraction. she also had her urinalysis. i never thought it'll occur again... this UTI. now that she hardly wears diapers... now she's on antibiotics and it'll be a few days before we learn what kind of bacteria is present in her wiwi.

i will be letting her attend her first christmas party later though but they can't attend my office party.

of snow globes and dresses

zoie and aunty kris

i never realized how much that snow globe meant to zoie until we got home without buying it.

Barbie's Christmas Carol is about a performer who was so full of herself. it took 3 fairies of Christmas past, present and future plus the ghost of her aunt to convince and make her realize what Christmas is all about. Barbie tells this story to her sister and gives her a snow globe (with the fairies in it) which turns out to be the same snow globe in her story.

for days, i have been searching for a nice snow globe. yesterday, we went to MOA to celebrate my SIL's birthday. we walked around the mall and we went inside the department store so i can buy zoie a party dress. all the way to the mall from the parking area, she was already asking me to get her a snow globe and that's so hard to find. anyways, we did find a snow globe and it was quite expensive. it was as big as the one in the Barbie movie. it also plays christmas carols and it had a santa inside it. there were cheap ones but it didn't play a song. i wanted to get her the small one... the affordable one but she wouldn't budge. she wanted the santa snow globe. i left adrian and zoie at a corner seat while she hugged the snow globe close to her. there were a lot of people in the mall. i went to look for a dress since zoie declared that "ayaw ko pants. gusto dress." i brought her 4 dresses, 2 were quite small (who am i kidding?) and one for 4 years old and another for 6 years old. i made her wear the size 6 dress. it fit her! it was a little long but the length was okay. it fit her body. it had puffed sleeves. and she didn't want to remove the dress. i had to force her out of it telling her all the time i had to pay for the dress first. she was crying. adrian took this opportunity to take back the snow globe. after paying for the dress, she wore it and she didn't care if she was wearing Dora rubber shoes. she was so happy with the dress saying all the time that she's a princess that i thought she forgot about the snow globe until such time in front of the carousel she started rummaging through our things looking for it. hay naku talaga! until last night she was crying. later i will be going to the mall to look for a snow globe that plays music. never mind the price. if it will make zoie happy, i'll get it. my mom said that i shouldn't spoil her. but she's only 3. maybe if she's 7 and she's forcing me to buy her stuff, maybe that's the time i'll tell her to stop. zoie is still a baby... our baby.

zoie ballet philippines experience at CCP

last saturday, zoie and i went to CCP to watch Ballet Philippines perform. adrian couldn't take us so we rode the jeep and the LRT. i promised zoie that we'll ride the train. i wanted us to take a cab but the traffic was impossible plus i already made a promise to zoie. it took us an hour and a half to get there. i was so tired by the time we got to the theater because in places that seemed dirty for zoie i had to carry her. oh where did she get that kaartehan talaga! we got to our box in the nick of time. the national anthem just finished playing and the orchestra was about to begin their first music. i observed zoie while she watched Coppelia. Ballet Philippines dancers are indeed brilliant. there were moments that the dance made us laugh and zoie was clapping along with the people after every wonderful performance. Coppelia was actually a love story. it was really funny how the male character fell in love with a doll and that became an obstacle to their relationship. zoie wanted a better seat so she transferred to my lap. she never slept during the performance or made a noise. we had to go out though because she needed to go to the bathroom even though she was wearing diapers. there were a lot of people in the theater and also i was surprised to find a lot of kids watching the show. i assumed that most of them were taking ballet lessons because i saw some still wearing tights. zoie was moving her hands and legs in time with the music. i did make her dede though because she whispered, "hungry na ako" during one of the 15 minute breaks. after the show, she couldn't stop mentioning the "ballet dancers" that she saw. we again rode the LRT and the MRT because i asked adrian to pick us up in Makati. a lady gave zoie a toy in the MRT. my daughter always gets freebies from people. in birthday parties, she always has a prize even if she lost the game. we had Dairy Queen blizzard at Glorietta before we asked her tatay to come pick us up. in the car, she copied a dance step from the show and at home, she jumped like the dancers. we were laughing while she showed us her "moves" and looked as though she has already decided that she wants to be a ballet dancer when she grows up. she'll be taking up ballet lessons this summer. zoie didn't want to remove her dress. i had to force her to change to pajamas.

Naughty Zoie

what should a mother do when she finds out that her daughter's teacher asked her daughter to sit because she's one of the naughtiest kids at school? i can't believe that my well-behaved Zoie is now one of the noisiest in class. they were practicing their Christmas presentation and Zoie was dancing her own steps and looking at everything except her teacher. tsk! tsk!

Say Cheese

zoie with pooh and friends
zoie and tink

Oh, Christmas Tree

last saturday, i bought a small christmas tree for zoie. our condo unit is fairly small to accommodate a large tree but because my daughter can now appreciate christmas, we decided to get her, her own tree. of cours, she chose the tree that matches her size. i wanted the bigger one but her tatay wanted the small one also. so, two against one... it was a joy buying small christmas balls and tinsels. zoie fell asleep on the way home. she got to decorate the tree in the morning. i woke up and saw a very excited zoie hanging small christmas balls on her tree. she also discovered that she had small candy cane, pine cone and gifts to hang on her tree. we never really hang christmas decors at home. last year, we spent christmas at hk disneyland. the previous year, zoie was too young to appreciate christmas. we were in bicol. this year, we have christmas lights. everyday, zoie watches the Barbie Christmas Carol DVD plus she sings Oh, Christmas Tree like an opera singer. Lol! As for the gifts, at the risk of her making me open her gifts, we've decided to keep it here at my office for the mean time.

techie zoie

look at our little techie. she gets to use our notebook, ipod and takes one hell of a picture using our digicam.

The Dress

let me tell you about the dress...

when i was single, i used to condemn parents who dress their kids in color combination that i cannot even begin to describe or let kids wear shoes that are not even suited for the type of clothes the kid is wearing. well, maybe parents of babies are guilty of this but parents of toddlers... i apologize for the thought. Zoie is very color coordinated most of the time. she chooses her own clothes but not wear she's going to wear it. she has this favorite dress - the ice cream dress - which we try to hide from her most of the time because if permitted, she would have worn it every single day. every little girl at some point (unless traumatized) feels that she is Barbie or a Disney Princess. in Zoie's case, she is both. wherever she goes, she has to wear a DRESS. even an out of town trip on a whim, at an early hour in the morning, we argue on what she's going to wear. it has to be a dress. so off we went to Tagaytay with her wearing a dress. to save her bambam from freezing over, i had to make her wear shorts underneath. last night, i found her christening dress and since it was only tied at the back with ribbons, i was able to force it over zoie's tall and slim body. again, she danced. Mama! Princess! sometimes, she's butterfly fairy when she's wearing the butterfly wings that we have at home. she hums a tune she learned from Barbie's 12 Dancing Princesses. what a girly girl my daughter has become.

A Friendship Tag

Thank you, Shiela, for this friendship tag. Now I am passing this tag over to Irene, Kiten, Che, Joey, Jeng, Laya and Lith

Shiela, these rules I am copying from your blog:

Here are the rules for this tag:

1. Copy the badge and put it on your blog,
2. Link back who pass you this tag,
3. Spread this tag to at least 7 or more bloggers who you think you are friends with.

And lovely are the blossoms
That are tended with great care,
By those who work unselfishly
To make the place more fair.
And, like the garden blossoms,
Friendship’s flower grows more sweet
When watched and tended carefully
By those we know and meet.
And, if the seed of friendship
Is planted deep and true
And watched with understanding,
Friendship’s flower will bloom for you.

Makati Med ER

zoie gave me pretty much of a scare yesterday. i was in a shoot. i saw my phone ringing and accidentally cancelled a call from our landline phone because i thought i was the one calling. in the middle of the shoot, i got a text from hubby that they're at makati med ER. it's like cold water was splashed on my face. i felt nervous and right away i knew something was wrong with my baby. i called them. hubby said they were observing zoie who suddenly felt normal. she was having tummy aches in the morning and was calling for me, calet said. it's a good thing that my boss is like kidlat in shoots so we finished up early before i excused myself to go to the hospital. a happy zoie ran to me shouting "Mama!" and caused a lot of eyes to look at us. my MIL arrived and i thought, "ano to reunion?" but then i found out SIL is sick also. we took zoie out of the ER and she requested that we go to Jollibee only Mcdo was nearer. my little girl who was complaining of a tummy ache was already ordering sundae. i was so relieved. they dropped me off at the office soon after. hubby and i were talking - umaarte lang kaya si zoie? because both of us are pretty busy lately. haay, guilt-ridden me.

Workaholic Guilt

Sometimes I just hate myself for having a job as toxic as mine. Of course I will never blame Zoie for asking for milk in between 4 and 6 am or a few minutes before I'm scheduled to wake up and mark it as the start of my day. I will never blame her that she asks for milk just when my head hits the pillow because it's not her fault that her mom just got home at 1 am or just finished transcribing an interview at 5 am. It is my life-long wish to become a stay-at-home mom but then I really am not sure if I could handle it because my body is programmed for a different kind of stress. These days I leave the house with her asleep and I come home finding her already asleep. So, what's new with that? My mom tells me that I should get enough sleep for me to function well. I do function well but sometimes even in sleep I think about my work. This is the reason why sometimes I feel so guilty leaving Zoie under the care of Calet. Sometimes I just wonder if this is all worth it. That I'm only feeding this selfish need to be doing my job and not investing enough time for the family. Zoie will be young only once.

Oh well, I'm off to another set-up... another event. I wish Christmas is here. I will be a full time mom for two whole weeks.

The Next Zoie

I can't tell you how disappointed my mom was when I told her this morning that she should expect her next apo on 2011. "What? 2011 pa?" The change in her expression almost made me smile and she went to our room to check on Zoie grumbling "matanda na ako at hindi ko na maaalagaan yung susunod. Hindi ka na magkakaanak sa ganyan katagal kasi ang taba mo na... blah... blah..." (in Bicol). Well, Adrian and I have reasons on why having another baby should be carefully planned. Personally, all things aside, I really would like another child asap. I mean, Zoie is now 3 years old and that's the decent gap between siblings according to Family Planning. But then when we were anticipating Zoie, all our thoughts were centered on having a baby and not on how much it would cost to have a baby. When I gave birth to Zoie at St. Luke's Medical Center, our savings was almost wiped out and hubby as the head of the family felt a bit crippled financially. Not to mention the fact that I was on bedrest for two weeks with expensive meds. Hubby was explaining to me this morning on our way to my office that unless we want our finances to suffer and that if I'd like to give birth in a cheaper hospital, then he'd consider it keeping in mind that we're still paying for our car. It's very hard when you really use your head planning these things. Good thing hubby has his in place. Me, I'm so cluttered. Hubby wants our next child to be as comfy as Zoie. Of course, Zoie right now is more than enough but then, being an only child, I don't want her to end up like me, also an only child. I do hope 2011 is a good year for us because by that time Zoie will be studying in a regular school already.